So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
