I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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