After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Randomize
