i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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