Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
