Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
