I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
