I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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