the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
