Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
