I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Randomize
