i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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