Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
