We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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