so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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