I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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