You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
