Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
