Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm like, not good at living.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
