I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Randomize
