Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
