wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
