My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
