I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
