Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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