I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
