every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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