told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
