she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
