Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
