Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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