Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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