There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
