I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
