I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Can you bring me the toilet please
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
