no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
