Do you still have your period?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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