just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Someone came in the potted fern
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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