Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
