Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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