my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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