margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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