thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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