Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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