Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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