Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
