Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
