a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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