Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
