party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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