I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
