On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
did i walk over a car last night?
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
