oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
